Butt Thermometer
by CookiesWithCream
Summary: Ciel may have gotten a cold, and his servants try to help by checking his temperature... only to find out that the thermometer they used was one Tanaka used on his butt. Let your imagination decide what happens after that. FLUFFY Black butler ONESHOT, Mei Rin x Ciel if you squint really hard, NO PAIRINGS INTENDED.


**Okay, here's the story about this fic. I was eating cherries and sitting on the sofa with my good friend and noticed that the cherries I put in my mouth were warmer than the ones I just took bites out of, just like any other normal person would. So I asked her, "Isn't the mouth like, the warmest part of your body you can touch without needing to… you know…" and then she was all like, "Eww, that conjured up images of butt thermometers in my head! And yes." We were about to watch Black Butler together, then my mind wandered and… this happened.**

Ciel Phantomhive got up this morning feeling more comatose than usual. He was tossing and turning in his bed and woke up several times during the night, if he even fell asleep in the first place. He couldn't seem to get comfortable. His muscles ached, and he was either way too hot or way too cold.

He sat at the dining room table. He was fighting the urge to just lay his head down on the table and sleep there, but he needed to keep his table manners. His eyes were drooping, and his head was nodded up and down like a fisher's bob. He can't let his feeble consciousness slip away, or his face would be hot with tea dripping down it.

He can't even remember what kind of tea he even ordered. Earl Grey, Chamomile, whatever, he just paid attention to how he was going to stay awake the whole day without taking periodic naps.

Sebastian must've noticed Ciel's overly tired behavior. "Master, are you feeling fine?" He asked, with a hint of concern cleverly masked with a small smile. He paused for a moment, waiting for his answer. "Young Master?" He repeated. "Y-yes," He stammered out a response. "I'm fine." He muttered out, voice dull with drowsiness.

Sebastian watched Ciel fight to stay awake for a minute or two. He was almost amused by this. "Young Lord, if you do not drink your tea soon, it will get cold." Sebastian informed. "I know." He murmured with the same dull tone as before. He sat up from his slouching position and looked at the tea in front of him. He stared at it for a moment as he forced his eyes to open up to more than slits. He grabbed the handle and took a tiny sip.

Sebastian watched him do this as well. "Young Lord, are you sure that you are all right?" He asked Ciel again. He stood up from his seat in frustration. Of course he felt more irritable than usual. "Sebastian, I said I'm fi—" He stopped and sat down immediately, breaking down into a horrible coughing fit.

It was so out of the blue. He kept hacking until he ran out of breath. His throat burned now. It was hot and dry, like he had just swallowed sand from the Sahara desert. "Water." He managed to choke out. His voice was now as rough as a gravel road. Sebastian immediately complied, quickly getting a glass and filling it with cold water.

You know the feeling when you are sick and you have to breathe through your mouth all the time? Your tongue gets so dry to the point where you're drinking any kind of fluid you could get your hands on. And it happens so much that it hurts your throat to just drink it. Yeah, we've all been there at some time.

Once Ciel got that glass, he quickly gulped it down. This is much unlike his usual demeanor, being calm and collected. He was breathing hard after the refreshing drink. There was just something about today that made all his hair stand up.

"Oh, the young master must be ill!" Ciel's servant Finnian, spoke up from the end of the table. Another servant, Mei Rin, squinted through her thick glasses. "He looks pale, doesn't he?" She murmured, albeit loudly. She smiled as an idea pooped into her head. "I'll go get you a thermometer, yes I will!" Her face flushed red for a moment, indicating a somewhat pervy idea. She shook it out of her mind, though.

Mei Rin rushed to the nearest one, sitting conveniently on a counter across the room. She grabbed it off with a clenched fist. She brought it over to poor blenched Ciel. She had started to put it in his mouth by herself, but Ciel impatiently snatched it away from her hand.

"I'll do it myself." He said with a crackly sharp tone. Ciel was actually fine with the idea of checking his temperature. As a smaller child, he was intrigued by the red liquid in the bulb of the thermometer. He learned it was a poisonous substance called mercury. He was almost afraid to put it in his mouth for the first time his dearly departed parents took his temperature.

"Wait, master!" Bardroy said. The concerned glint in his eyes made Ciel turn to him, but it was too late. The thermometer has already touched the bottom of his tongue. "Tanaka kinda…" His voice trailed off. He was almost nervous to say it.

"My young lord…" Sebastian chimed in, not letting Bardroy say it. "I'm afraid…"

"That was a rectal thermometer."


End file.
